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Parenting Solutions:
From Surviving to Thriving
Psalms 127:3 - "Sons are a heritage from the Lord,
children a reward from him".
Tired of feeling like you are striving and want to start thriving? Here's some help! Children are a blessing and a true gift from God, but they can also be a challenge! I would like to offer you some sound parenting solutions to take you out of a "surviving" environment to a "thriving" environment. Children can strengthen a marriage or divide it. Just as God gives each of us an unconditional love, as parents, we are to be give the same to our children. God never stops loving us but he does give consequences when we are disobedient. This is how we are to teach our children, just as in Proverbs 22:6, which states, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it". This is a main verse to remember in your marriage when it comes to the children. You and your spouse should remember that you were blessed with children for a period of time that God gives you, then they will go out on their own. Afterwards, God-willing, you and your spouse will have the rest of your lives together. The key in parenting is to seek balanced and UNITED approach. If husband and wife are not united in parenting, especially in
blended families,
this is where it all begins to get really complicated and stressful! I hope that this page offers you a basis of understanding. I hope that you will find the
parenting toolbox
to be helpful as well and answer more in-depth questions that you may have in any area of parenting. This offers some excellent help for parenting in a traditional, divorced, or blended family environment for toddlers to teenagers!
The Bible makes it clear that disciplining our children is one of the best things you can do for your child to show them love. Please go to your Bible and read over Hebrews 12:4-13. To some, it may be difficult to convince them of this, but it does work! Disciplining your children should be done as a way of correction, not punishment. It's the reaction of the parent that is the difference. Correction is telling a child why he is being disciplined - whereas punishment is not. Children aren't mind-readers either! Natural instincts of a child makes him realize that he is truly a part of a family when he is disciplined. On the other hand, if they are not disciplined, it leads them to believe that they are not important enough for the parents to take the time and effort to correct them. Discipline also makes them feel secure, just as we do when God corrects us. The discipline I am discussing here is not "beating" your child or something that is to be done out of anger or revenge. It is correction done out of love and concern, which then results in the child RESPECTING the parent. This is a growing problem these days and times. When a child does not respect one of the parents, the marriage starts to break down. When a child does not respect both parents, then the child starts to break down. I've witnessed so many people that repeatedly "warn" their children, oh say 20-30 times, before they may ever take action. The best discipline is with swift action so the child knows you are serious and it is not a game. Children raised in this way from birth seldom need much correction as they get older because they are trained young and already know their boundaries. Children will have to adhere to rules the rest of their lives, such as laws, school rules, rules on a job, etc. It is important to lay the basis for following rules from a young age and adjust them as they get older or due to changes of circumstances. When a married couple establishes rules for their home, they are declaring what they expect from their children. Be sure they are clear and communicated so that the child will know how to respond obediently. It's also a good idea to establish the discipline for certain actions in advance as well. Keep in mind Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him". This verse is not to be misunderstood as beating them, which is child abuse. You can offer correction through spanking in a legitimate way and by keeping your cool. A parent's anger should never be used in an abusive way toward a child.
This style of parenting holds true for all families, even in
blended families.
The only difference in blended families is an adjustment period in the beginning. Ex-spouses may have different ideas of discipline and so there should be a time period that the biological parent performs the discipline of their own child in the beginning. Normally, stepchildren go through a tough time with anger, grief, fear, and even detachment. You and your spouse should prepare yourselves for this. Disagreements will arise and stepchildren can play a major role in coming between the parents. Some problems arise when a parent chooses sides with their biological child, regardless what really happened. Here again, it is important to be united with your spouse on all parenting issues. The minute a stepchild sees a crack in the wall, he will be ready to knock it down!This is what happened in our marriage for over three years and almost costs us our marriage. It was by God's grace in showing my husband and I what had to change for us to make it through. These are three years that I definitely wouldn't want to do over! After this, I can truly tell you that putting God at the forefront of your marriage and following his order of life, which is God first, then spouse, then children-there is hope and you can go from barely surviving and hanging on by a thread to thriving in
a happy home
with a happy family! Please be sure to sign up on the left for my monthly newsletter, Seasons, for more tips and treasures on parenting! If you would like to help your faith to grow stronger, feel free to participate in my best friend's FREE online Bible study called
Thresholds.
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