Levels of Communication for SuccessThere are three main levels of communication that should be acquired to reach success in your marriage. We will begin with the easiest level first and work our way up. The first level is simply being able to communicate daily events. When the husband comes home from work, he may not even want to bring up the subject of work. This goes along with the gender differences section as well. He may like to leave his work at work, but the wife is left clueless. She wants to know more about his work, the people there, etc., but she gets no feedback and feels left out. This is because the husband is not practicing "oneness" upon arriving home. For the energy it takes for the husband to tell his wife about his day and share his life would be minimal compared to the rewards it would bring to the relationship. This is just an example - the roles could very well be reversed in your marriage. Whenever possible, visit each other's workplace to aide with putting names with faces during discussions. Mental images of people will make the conversation easier. You can not only use these levels of communication within your marriage, but can practice them to a certain extent in the workplace as well.If you and your spouse can achieve this first step in talking about daily events, you can begin to move further toward level two. Don't be afraid to ask questions, but be careful not to overload your spouse with them!
The second level to be achieved is problem solving or decision-making. This is most often where conflicts arise. Ever wonder why maybe you didn't argue much before you were married?? This is the answer-you didn't have to make decisions together, just decisions for yourself. If both of you are trying to solve a certain problem and you can't agree on a solution, that's when the communication stops or becomes heated. You each start to build that wall around you to avoid being hurt feelings or strong tempers. So you are asking, "how can we come to an agreement?"
The best answer comes straight from the Bible. Both male and female were made in the image of God and are of equal value. It also states that man is to be head of the woman. But this isn't the way it sounds! It doesn't mean that women are to live in a dictatorship! Neither does it mean that the husband is to make all of the decisions without consulting the wife! It means that when it comes to decision time, the main goal is oneness with your spouse, which is what God intended. Being of the flesh, we may not always perform this task correctly, but that should be your main objective! If you still can't reach a decision on common ground, the best answer is to wait, pray about it, then wait longer if necessary. Think about the definite facts relating to the decision of both parties and throw out the "what ifs". Remember: God gave wives to be helpers. How can she help if the husband doesn't communicate?
Your marriage shouldn't be miserable because you can both choose to change! Choose to learn the levels of communication in your marriage and you will begin to see new doors opening for success! Be sure to review the self-help communication worksheet to assess the level of communication in your marriage after reading how to overcome the barriers.
Here's a simple way to remember things: C-hoose to truly listen. O-ffer to talk whenever it's important to your spouse. M-eet each other's needs without complaining. M-ind your manners. U-nderstand that negative words do great damage. N-ever go to bed angry. I-nitiate physical touch to affirm your love. C-ompliment each other daily. A-ttend to each other's feelings. T-ell each other about your love. E-xpress your appreciation to God for your marriage! Return from Levels of Communication
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Now, we come to the hardest and most crucial level. This is how you communicate with each other during times when tensions rise. My best advice here is to STOP-BACKUP-and cool down. Take turns talking for a couple minutes at a time - and don't BUTT IN when your spouse is talking. When you are talking, your spouse should be listening, and Vice Versa. Don't sit there brewing up vengeful tactics! James 1:19 defines it in an easier way,- "everyone should be quick to listen". Concentrate on what your spouse is saying and the actual feelings behind it. If no one is listening, then why are you talking?
